My “Perfect” Plan

Have you ever had a plan so tightly wrapped that you felt like success was a foregone conclusion?  I mean you knew, with 100% certainty, that everything would execute exactly according to the plan.  There were no holes in the plan and no room for deviations.  A perfect plan… the ever-illusive utopia.

Several years ago, my wife and I were set to embark on another military move.  We were moving from Fort Rucker, AL, and heading to Monterey, CA, for graduate school.  [I know, tough duty]

Our “perfect” plan:

Movers head out with all of our worldly possessions on a Thursday.  We were to expect delivery no earlier than 12 days later.  No need for storage.  We were doing a door-to-door move.  Everyone said a door-to-door move was a myth; it’s impossible.  We’ll show them.  Our plan is fool-proof.

We leave Fort Rucker on Friday and head to Atlanta to send the boys back to Minnesota.  They were staying with grandparents so they wouldn’t have to make the long drive.  Hurray for grandparents!

We leave Atlanta on Monday after Mary flew back from Minneapolis, complete with dropping off the boys.  Off we go on our relaxing 2,400 mile drive to Monterey.  The “perfect” plan included driving an average of 550 for 4 days and then an easy 200 miles the last day.

Once we got to Monterey on Friday, after our easy 200 miles, we would drop the dog off at the kennel and check into the Guest House.  Making the trip with the dog in the car would add some complexity but we could handle it.  We had a “perfect” plan for that too.

We would sign for our military housing on Friday and explore the city over the weekend.  Monday would come and we would be completely ready for the delivery team; ready with donuts, pizza and a few Cokes.

Oh how I love a “perfect” plan!

What really happened:  Everything was going great right up until day 3 (Thursday) of our drive.

While at a rest stop in Arizona, we get a call from the military transportation office.  The movers, apparently, are supermen and managed to be 3 days ahead of schedule.  What moving company has ever done that!  

They were going to deliver our household goods on Friday morning, not the next Monday, like we had planned.  Ok.  Only a slight change to the plan…  Then the next bit of good news.  If we were not at our house ready for the delivery at 9:00 am, they would put our stuff in storage for 30 days.

Noooooo…. don’t you understand, we are doing a door-to-door.  We have a perfect plan.  This is not happening.

Ok.  Wait.  We can do this.  

We will skip our last overnight stop and drive straight to Monterey.  We can do the remaining 800 miles in a day.  

We don’t have a place to stay!  We will call for new hotel reservations.  The Dog!  The hotel needs to take pets.  [Not an easy  find]  We have a reservation at a hotel on the beach.  Too bad we can’t enjoy it.  [another side note..we got lost getting to the hotel.  No GPS.]

Guess we can cancel the kennel reservation. [as a side note:  Arizona and southern California rest areas don’t have any grass.  The dog won’t relieve himself unless he has grass.  We found out that he has a very large bladder capacity.]

The housing office!  They don’t open until 9:00 am!  I called them and told them our dilemma.  They agreed to meet me so I could sign for the keys early Friday morning, while my better-half waits for the truck.

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR PERFECT AND RELAXING PLAN?  Gone.

Everything turned out ok in the end, as it almost always does, despite our melodramatic panic.  We even completed the elusive door-to-door move.

The worst part of the entire change episode was totally self-induced.  Yours truly decided it would be a good idea, and quicker, to take the scenic route (HWY 1) up the California coast to cover our last 100 miles.  The last 100 miles of a 800 mile day.  It was not quicker and not very scenic with the sun on the horizon and in your eyes for 100 miles.  Not to mention it made my better-half sick. [Never a good thing.]

When will we learn to stop chasing the “Perfect” plan.

Romans 8:28  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

- What is your plan? -

“Interpreting Teens”

Ever find yourself in a position where you are left completely speechless by a verbal response from a teenager?  I am not talking about a vulgar or obscene response.  I mean a response that left you wondering, “what in the world did they just say?”  

I have been.  Several times.  So many times that I thought I would provide a list of my “interpretation” of the head-scratching teen responses.

“I Know”:  1 You don’t have to say that again.  2 You are right, but I don’t need you to point that out.  [One of my favorites.  I wrote a whole blog about it.]

“My Bad”:  1 I intentionally made that mistake but I will appease you by pretending to take responsibility for my lapse in judgement.  2 I’m sorry, but… not really.

“FAther”:  1 I am showing respect, in a sarcastic sort of way.  2  You seriously embarrass me.

“Blah, Blah, Blah”:  1 I’m done listening.  2 You should stop talking.

“Seriously”:  1 You are an idiot.  2 Act your age.  [Heard when a parent completely irks the teen by actions.  Can sometimes be combined with “FAther”. ]

“Really”:  1 Was I supposed to know that was wrong?  2 I’ve heard you say that before, I think.

“Any Hoo”:  1 I’m an idiot.  2 I’m going to change the topic.  [Another favorite that always seems to be offered at the precise moment the parent is presenting a critical teaching point.]

“I don’t know”:  1 I really do know the answer, but you’re not going to like it.  2 I have a lack of judgement. [This interpretation follow a “why did you do that?” type of question.]

Sometimes good communication with teens starts with a clear interpretation of what they are REALLY saying.  In full disclosure, most of these expressions were collected from teenagers including, but not limited to, my own teens.  

If you have others, I would love to hear them.

Ephesians 4:29  “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

- What is your plan -

“Creatures of Habit...or Not.”

I tend to be most effective if I have a “to do” List (aka action steps in a plan).  In fact, I am often completely ineffective and get nothing done if I don’t have a detailed “List”.  A “List” works for me.  Just ask my wife.  She always has a “List” ready for me.  [I may pay for that one.]

So it only stands to reason that my sons should adopt the same technique.  My keen observation of them proves that they have the capacity to embrace the concept of a “List”.  They are extreme creatures of habit:

“I can not leave for the bus before 6:10.”

“That is my seat.”

“Egg bake is for Easter and Turkey is for Thanksgiving.  We can’t eat them on any other days.”

“I always scrub my hands for 5 minutes with the scalding hot water running.”

“First the news, then I will get ready for school.”

“I always take two bottles of Gatorade to practice.”

“I have to do my devotion prior to going to bed.” [a very good one]

To be fair, teens are not the only ones that develop nonsensical habits.  I actually observed an adult ask a Pastor and his family to move prior to worship because that was “their pew.”  Really?  Your pew?  [I do go to a Lutheran church, thanks for asking]  

Ok, back to the “List” topic.  

With so much experience with conforming to a specific set of habits, transforming these teens to get organized using a “List” should be easy.  Not so fast.

A list is restrictive, too organized, prohibitive, confining, and too structured.  We often hear:

“I know what needs to be done.”

“I will do it today.”

“I will do it tomorrow.” [it never comes, trust me]

“I will remember so I don’t need to write it down.”

I am confused.  One of them always has his headlight within arm’s reach but a “List” is too structured?

One of our sons has recently embraced the “List” idea by writing all of his assignments on a calendar.  A true epiphany.  

Hope remains!

Romans 15:13  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

- What is your plan? -

“Secret Plans are the Best!”

Having a clear view or vision of the objective is a success key when starting a project.  If you don’t know where you are going, how do you know when you get there?

If you want a cool place to hang out in the back yard with your adult friends, obviously the objective is a tree house built for adults.  It should include a fridge, HD TV, theater seats and an Adrian Peterson Fathead.  This would be so cool. [sorry, got a little distracted]

Ok.  We have a vision.  Let’s start building.  No wait.  I think I’ve forgotten something.  Let me check with my resident teen wiseman.   

Oh discerning and insightful teen, how do you get your projects done?

“I don’t have a plan but I am going to get it done.”

So you are saying I don’t need a plan to build my tree-borne mancave.  It will just happen?  Is this the way you get your school assignments done?

“No, I mean… I don’t have a plan that I can tell you.”

Oh, I get it.  Shhhh…. it’s a secret.  Secret plans are always the best.  Especially those that are so secret that they don’t actually exist.  Kind of like the plan to get your summer reading done prior to your last first day of school. [busted]

I guess my tree-borne mancave will have to wait until I can figure out how to crack the code on these secret plans.

Thankfully, we have an eternal life plan that is very clear and not a secret at all:

1 Timothy 2:3-6  “This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time.

-What is your plan?-

"What Did He Say?"

Successful plan execution normally requires some form of motivation.  In my work environment, motivation is often implied once there is clear communication of task and purpose.  Recently, we chose to use a less direct, but more effective approach with our teens. 

One overwhelming task for teens is putting their clothes away once they are clean, folded and in the clothes basket.  It really doesn’t seem that hard.  Take the clothes out of the basket, open the drawer, set them down in the drawer.  Task complete. Sounds like a solid plan.  Obviously, the missing component is motivation.

Based on our teen’s response, we hit a home run on the right motivation approach.

“What are these?”  “Oh, gross.”  “I don’t want those touching my clothes.”  “Nobody needs to see those”  [at this point we are laughing so hard our sides hurt]  “It is not funny.”  “Get them out of here so I can finish with my clothes”

My son was in full freak out mode.

The “these”, “those”, and “them” above were a pair of my wife’s “delicates”. Honestly, we fell into this motivation technique by accident.  We did not put them in with his clothes - static cling did.  Since it was so effective, we decided to pile on.

“If you let your clothes linger in the basket for more than a couple of days, you might find more of the same.  Do you want that?”  “NO WAY!”

He needed a little more motivation when the next basket came up because his clothes still lay folded in his basket.  His surprise this time was a pair of my unmentionables.  He was even more offended and he started yelling, “Father [he calls me that when he is getting serious], what have you done?”  “I’m not touching them.”  “Get them out of here.”

I told him I had no idea what he was talking about.  I didn’t place anything in his basket….his mother did.  “What?”  “You are the man of the house.  You need to get your wife under control.”

What did he just say?  Yeah, right.  My relationship with my wife is based on my ability to “control” her.  Not touching that one.  You can only imagine the new set of life lessons he received that night.

Teens are the only form of the human species that can take us from a motivation event to a discussion of control.  Go figure.

Proverbs 21:23  “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue, keeps himself out of trouble.”

- What is your plan? -

“One of the Greatest Minds”

My wife and I are truly blessed to be in such close proximity to “one of the greatest minds of the 21st Century”.  What an honor.

Budgeting is a great planning tool.  Having a monthly family financial budget means having a plan for where your money is going to go in the next month.   

Having a home improvement project budget means knowing how much you can spend before you cut the first board or, in my case, it gives my wife an estimate before she applies the man-pi factor (3.14 x his estimate).  

Having a time budget means fencing blocks of time for yourself to accomplish all your tasks for a day.  This application of budgeting was especially useful during a recent “planning session” with our oldest son.  

He thought it would be a very good idea to set a daily budget of time so he could get his work done and, more importantly, get us off his back.  We were very proud when he set up his time budget all on his own and it was very reasonable.  30 minutes for a meal, 4 hours for school work, 30 minutes to stretch, 20 minutes to get ready in the morning, …… and so on.  It actually showed that he was going to be up and out of bed by 8:30.  Not bad considering this is one of our “sleepy teens”.

As my wife was reviewing his time budget with him, it was apparent that he was also proud of himself for putting it together.  It really was a nice plan.  When she complimented him on his time budgeting abilities he returned a confident response: “Well, when you’re dealing with one of the greatest minds of the 21st Century, you have to keep organized”.

Oh, yes.  He actually said it.  Modest is this one.  I really wish he would break out of his shell.

Proverbs 26:12 “Do you see a person wise in their own eyes?  There is more hope for a fool than for them.”

- What is your plan? -

“What to Call a “Dog”?”

I mentioned in my first blog that I felt like I had enough content to fill years and years of blog space. After 12 blog posts, I still feel the same way, but I’ve also discovered another interesting factoid.  I am really good with blog titles.

I am not bragging.  Several people have complimented my titles.   

“I love your titles.”

“Your titles are so creative.”

“Your titles always make me laugh.”

“I can’t wait for your next blog because your titles are genius.”

Ok.  Maybe I stretched the truth on these compliments just a little.  I don’t get many accolades on my writing.  Wait a minute.  They are not actually complimenting my writing, just the titles.

Now that I think about it, maybe what they are really saying is:

“Your content is really, really bad.”

“Please write something that compels me to read further than the title.”

“Take a creative writing class.  Please.”

Sounds like a cry for mercy.  Well, at least I have the keen ability to give a “Dog” of a post a cool name.  I can live with that.

James 4:6  “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

- What is your plan -

“Life is a lot of Stuff”

I could hear the discussion as I came into the house after work.  My wife was discussing daily, routine tasks with my son.  This was a normal conversation that occurred from time to time.

“Did you get your chores done?”

“What about your stretches?  Did you do all of them?”

“How much math did you complete today?  Are you planning to do more tonight?’

“What time did you get up today?”

I join in.

“You’ve only been up since noon.  Did you really expect to get everything done?”

“Don’t forget to put your clothes away.”

“You have drink glasses on the table that need to go in the sink.”

“Did you finish your daily reading?”

It is about this time that we get a louder-than-normal, “NOW WAIT A MINUTE!”

“You can’t expect me to get that much stuff done in a day!”

The door is now open.  Won’t you come in?

My wife and I love the opportunity to teach, impart wisdom on, and, generally, educate our sons on life.  Our response is a well choreographed back and forth that would make any tennis match viewer dizzy.

“We are not asking you to do anything out of the ordinary.”

“You knew this morning that this stuff needed to be done.”

“You have to get yourself organized so you can prioritize your work for the day.”

“We’ve recommended that you use your calendar but you never set it up.”

“You are going to be living on your own within a couple of years.  You need to learn these skills.”

“You have to get your work done AND take care of yourself.”

“I don’t think you want your mommy and daddy living with you.”

“Most of what we are asking you to do is a part of normal life.”

“I know but… Life is a lot of stuff”

You know what, he is right.  Life is a lot of stuff.  I can’t say it any better than that.

Colossians 3:23-24  “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

- What is your plan? -

“Making Tracks - A Week in Review”

No week ever goes as planned.  We all start with a well intentioned plan, but it never seems to go according to our plan. (Note: I wrote this a couple of weeks ago prior to a much needed vacation.)

My plan was to get a jump on the work week.  Get up early and be to work by 0730.  My plan was subverted the minute I walked down the stairs.  

The smell hit me like a three shot espresso.  I’m wide awake now.  It smelled like someone had slaughtered a deer and hit all the bad parts.  

The dog got sick and defecated all over the dining room, kitchen and hallway.  As he has gotten older, he is having accidents more frequently, but this...this was like nothing we’ve ever had to deal with before.  He started at the base of the stairs and decided to run an obstacle course while discharging.  He managed to create a  serpentine course under the dining room table, between the legs of the chairs, and continue the release into the middle of the kitchen.  He then, apparently, repositioned to the office area where he left a nice chocolate streak down the hallway toward the kitchen.  I guess he was “Making Tracks”.

My Monday morning started with 35 minutes of scrubbing on my hands and knee.  Thankfully, we have mostly tile floor downstairs.  This was not my plan.

Because of my decision to get an early start on Monday, my wife and I departed from our normal gym schedule.  We went to the gym separately to continue our quest to go From-Couch-to-5K.  This is our attempt to “Make Tracks” to healthier living.  I think it might just put us in the hospital.  Running is hard.

Tuesday was a good trek.  A few surprises, mostly positive, and certainly nothing like the dog squirts.  Tuesday night I found myself at our church council meeting.  Council nights are a little tough because Tuesday nights are family night at our house.  It is the only night we are all home together.  Busy teenagers.  The meeting went well with a few curves in the road as we welcome several new members and new ideas.     

Wednesday morning the dog decided to leave me a few surprises closer to home.  He decided it was a good idea to evacuate during his morning stretch.  He sleeps on the floor near my side of the bed.  Needless to say, I stepped lightly out of bed to avoid his #2.  Another early morning clean up.  Again, not what I had planned.  

My wife and I made it to the gym in the morning and completed our run.  My plan was to shower at the gym and head into work.  Work would have to wait since I left my belt and deodorant at home.  More “Tracks”, and miles on the car, as I had to return home because nobody wants my BO around the office, even if I am wearing a tie.

Thursday’s plan was to get into work early again.  I am trying to closeout several tasks as we are preparing for a much needed summer family vacation.  Thursday was my last full work day before we depart.  It was difficult to stay focused while I beat back thoughts of laying on the beach with a little umbrella drink in my hand.  My “Tracks” around the office were a little more hurried today.  My boss told me to put everything on hold and start concentrating on the vacation.  The work will be here when I get back.  I think that is why I’m afraid.

Remember earlier when I said that “we” had to deal with the dog’s accidents.  My wife and son got their chance to participate.  You got it.  For the third and fourth time this week, the dog left us a little treat.  This time in the living room.  Get out the Target bags, rubber gloves and rags.  And to think, my son loves animals and wants to be a vet.  This is good practice, but this was not exactly his plan.

At the time of this writing, Friday is yet to happen, but don’t you worry, I will have a plan.  Actually, we have great plans to spend the day together as a family on a harbor cruise and tour of Fort Wool.  It will be interesting to see what alternate “Tracks” await us.

Maybe I’ve stumbled onto the problem.  It is our plan, not God’s plan.  Consider, through prayer,  the “Tracks” He would have for you.  I bet it will make a difference in the way you approach each day.  Every week that I get to “Make Tracks” with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is a great week.

Jeremiah 29:11  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

- What is your plan? -

“Doritos are better than Cracker Jacks”

A person never plans to lose things.  It just seems to happen.  Sometimes the things you lose show up in the strangest places.

Our youngest teen recently received his learner’s permit (more about that in a future post).  He actually has something in his billfold that requires him to have it with him when he leaves the house, his learner’s permit. He is a kid that never loses anything, but he seems to be forgetting where he left his billfold more and more.  Maybe it is a billfold problem. [see previous blog on that topic]  He normally finds it quickly, in a usual place.  This was NOT the case with a set of his brother’s prescription swim goggles.

We were on vacation at the beach several years ago when our oldest teen’s prescription goggles went missing.  He would not go swimming in the ocean or the pool without his goggles.  He could not see without them.  So it was our number one priority to find them.  We looked everywhere.  

The beach bag.  Nope.  

The towels.  Nope.  

Pockets. Nope.  

The hotel room.  Nope.  

Housekeeping.  Nope.

Security.  Nope.

Lost and Found.  Nope

We searched through everything.  No luck.

One of our favorite snacks at the beach is Cool Ranch Doritos.  We would always take a couple of bags with us.  Later, during this vacation, we were back in our room and our younger teen was hungry so he grabbed the Doritos.

What did we find?  Yep, you got it.  His brother’s goggles.  How is the world did they get in there?  No one thought to look in there!

See, I told you, Doritos are better than Cracker Jacks.  You’ve never pulled prescription swim goggles out of a Cracker Jacks box.

Matthew 7:7  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

- What is your plan? -

“Wake up Sleepy Teen”

This is a post about tactical planning.  Tactical, as defined by Merriam-Webster; “of or relating to small-scale actions serving a larger purpose.”  Precisely.  I planned deliberate, small-scale actions to serve the larger purpose of getting my teens out of bed!  

Let me set the stage.  Teenager is told the night before that he needs to be up at a reasonable time to get work done the next day.  So, there are a couple of problems here [see previous post on problem identification].  First, does a teen really know what “reasonable means”?  9:00 am is reasonable.  12:30 pm is NOT reasonable.  Second, in the teen’s mind, instruction the “night before” has no relevance to the next morning.

The answer: “Operation Nerf Ambush”

First step: Pre-position the Nerf weapons and darts in mom and dad’s room the night before.

Second step: Pre-combat checks-make sure all Nerf magazines are loaded.

Third step: Recon the hallway and remove any obstacles.  We are ready for execution.

At the appointed time, 9:01 am, sneak down the hallway and slide into his doorway.  Take a position with clear visibility of the teen and unleash a full barrage of Nerf darts while singing “Wake Up Sleepy Teen”.  He will wake up.  [sometimes his brother even gets to participate in the ambush]

The teen is a learning creature.  If doesn’t take him long to figure out that mom and dad aren’t kidding about employing “Operation Nerf Ambush”.  He decides to fire back with his Nerf bow and arrow. Time for a new tactical plan.  

The answer: “Operation Bulldozer”

First step: Warn the teen about “Operation Bulldozer”.  Don’t tell him what it is, just that it is coming if he doesn’t get out of bed at a reasonable time.

Second step: Recon the room to ensure floor is clear of clutter. [Right!  It is a teenager’s room.]

Third step: Mentally rehearse your movements.  Timing and speed of your movements are key on this operation.  Ready.

Again, at the appointed time, sneak down the hallway and slide into his room.  In a single swift motion, starting at one corner of the bed, grab the bottom sheet and start to pull.  As you pull, continue to roll everything on the bed, including the teen, into a giant burrito.  Continue rolling until this giant burrito and all its contents are resting on the floor.  He will wake up.  Additionally, he has a firm understanding what “Operation Bulldozer” is all about.

While these operations were executed on our oldest teen, the youngest is not exempt.  He has a very early wake up on school days, 5:30 am.  We usually allow him a little snooze time after the first alarm.  This leeway is quickly becoming a second and then a third call to get out of bed.

I think he better reverse this trend or I might just have another opportunity to plan and execute a “small-scale action”

Proverbs 20:13  “Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare.”

- What is your plan? -