“Simple Problem Solving”

Planning for the future topic continues…

We’ve had several opportunities in the last couple of weeks to sit together as a family and exercise our planning muscles.  Here is a shortened list of topics:

• College Admission
• College Budgeting
• Vocation
• College Transportation
• Summer Volunteering
• Summer Travel
• Graduation Party

For a little bit of context, my professional background is program management.  I am the planning pro.  I’ve used several very logical planning methods.  I have a professional certificate and a master’s degree in this discipline.  All of these credentials have NO applicability to planning with a teenager.  Don’t believe me?

I like to start out with a simple problem solving model [because everything we try to plan with a teenager is a huge life or death problem].

1. Identify the problem or goal
2. Develop alternatives to solve the problem or achieve your goal
3. Analyze the alternatives
4. Select the best alternative
5. Plan action steps for the best alternative
6. Execute the steps
7. Evaluate the results.

Straight forward and simple, right.  Let’s get started.

1. Identify the problem or goal for your future vocation:

Ok, I don’t have a problem, but, well, it’s like, you know, the time when the Nazis invaded Poland and…

Wait.  Wait. Wait.  I thought we were trying to plan your future vocation?

What?  You asked me if I had a problem.

No, I didn’t.  I asked you to define your future work goal.

Oh.  Well, my mind likes to look at the big picture and there are a lot of messed up leaders in the world.  Do you think anybody ever considers the motivations of a dictator?  Did you hear about the mess in North Korea?

What does North Korea have to do with your future work?

Maybe I should consider going to school in Wisconsin.

Stop, stop, stop.  I am lost here.  I need you to give me a list of jobs you might be interested in.

I really should look into scholarships so I don’t have to spend my own college money when I get my degree in International Relations and work for the UN as a Diplomat.

Hey.  Look at that.  We are on step 7.  Good job.  [“Where is the Tylenol?” (Clark Griswold)]

And so goes nearly every simple problem solving activity.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

- What is your plan? -

A “Little, Orange” Support Team

As we approach the end of another school year, attention shifts to things ending and future plans. This is elevated in the conscience of our house since we have a graduating senior.  Oh future plans, how illusive you are.  

“How can I possibly complete my college registration if I don’t know exactly what I am going to be doing for a career 15 years from now?”  

“My mind is so busy trying to figure out complex world problems, I don’t have time to worry about scheduling my placement tests for college.”

I love to marvel the virtuous thinker.

One of the keys to solving the future plans dilemma is to leverage the talents of more seasoned [old] advisors [parents].  Yep, I know what you are thinking.  Taking guidance from  parents is not natural for an independence-seeking senior.  Our senior is not necessarily seeking full independence; remember “Life is a Lot of Stuff”.

When struggling with future plans, the wisdom of parents can yield:

• List making for tasks (especially when you loath lists) [quick quote-”Is that all you do all day, sit around and make lists for everyone else?”]
• Methodical problem solving techniques (pros/cons, facts/assumptions, possible solutions, etc.)
• Lessons learned from previous mistakes (and there are several!)
• Feedback on skills and talents
• Encouragement
• Course correction (more than you would like, maybe)
• THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HAVING A LOVING SUPPORT TEAM!

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you realize that success is only achievable with a dedicated support team.  It is easy to see when this pearl of wisdom has not yet been realized.  

“Everyone else is the Oompa Loompa in my world.”

I guess we are a “little, orange” support team.

Proverbs 3:13-18 “Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.”

- What is Your Plan -

"The Lexicon Kerfuffle"

One very important step in any planning activity is communicating your plan to others, sometimes a superior.  Yes, we should be communicating with our superiors [any type of authority] and word/phrase choice is very important in this communication event.  

As many of you already know, my home is a petri dish of “wisdom”, especially concerning word/phrase use.  It struck me the other day that many of the phrases heard around my house would be completely inappropriate in a professional setting, especially in a dialogue with your boss.  

Imagine this...Your boss asks you to bring the current status report to her office and give her a quick update.  Your response should not be “If it’s that important to you, you’ll get up and get it.”

or

“Some of the things you are doing just don’t make sense.” [Before you ask, the answer is yes.  These are direct quotes from conversations with my “wisdom” guardians.]

Here are a few more; all are equally impressive and completely inappropriate in the office.  [or at home with parents]

“Speak freak.”

“Sit boy sit.”

“Please leave a message after the tone. BEEP.”

“I am hi-larious.”

“Blah, Blah, Blah.”

“REALLY???”

“You have been my father (supervisor) long enough.  You should know what I mean.”

and a classic...

“Yes, your majesty”

So let me unpack the title for you.  Lexicon - a person’s vocabulary.  Kerfuffle - a disorderly outburst, disturbance, or commotion.  My “wisdom” guardians literally have “a disturbing vocabulary.”  I am not sure where they get it from.  Maybe the nuts don’t fall far from the trees.

Proverbs 16:24: “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

- What is Your Plan? -

Service: A One Way Street?

We all enjoy those occasions when someone does a little extra for us.  I appreciate it when my wife brings me a glass of water from the kitchen just because she was getting one for herself and she knew I would like one too.

Most of us even look for opportunities to bless others with random acts of kindness.  If I am making popcorn for movie night, I will make enough for the rest of family without any of them having to ask.

We also know a few “characters” in our lives who don’t fit either of these models.  They don’t look for opportunities to serve others, and they try to manipulate the situation to compel others to serve them.  Service to a “character” is a One Way Street.  “Characters” often employ an indirect approach to get what they want.

“What are you making for breakfast? … Ok, I guess that will work for me too.”

“What are you making yourself for lunch?... That sounds good.  I will have some of that too.”

“Would you like some yogurt? … Bring me one too since you’re getting yourself one.”

“No I don’t want that but, you can bring me some water since you are already by the fridge.”

These sound a lot like the Jeff Foxworthy line “Sensuous was up, get me a….”

We are slowly working on a cure for our “character”.  Consider this antidote.

“What are you making yourself for lunch?”

“I am making soup.  What are you making for yourself?”

“Oh, that’s not the answer I was looking for.”

“I guess you should have asked a better question.”

Do you recognize a “character” in your life?  I don’t believe these “characters” are intentionally rude or inconsiderate.  They may simply lack the proper planning tools to consider service to others as part of their walk through life.

Mark 10:45:  “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

• What is Your Plan? -

Post Script: Experienced another behavior modification following my "characters'" review of this blog prior to posting. Service is turning into a two way street.

“Creatures of Habit...or Not.”

I tend to be most effective if I have a “to do” List (aka action steps in a plan).  In fact, I am often completely ineffective and get nothing done if I don’t have a detailed “List”.  A “List” works for me.  Just ask my wife.  She always has a “List” ready for me.  [I may pay for that one.]

So it only stands to reason that my sons should adopt the same technique.  My keen observation of them proves that they have the capacity to embrace the concept of a “List”.  They are extreme creatures of habit:

“I can not leave for the bus before 6:10.”

“That is my seat.”

“Egg bake is for Easter and Turkey is for Thanksgiving.  We can’t eat them on any other days.”

“I always scrub my hands for 5 minutes with the scalding hot water running.”

“First the news, then I will get ready for school.”

“I always take two bottles of Gatorade to practice.”

“I have to do my devotion prior to going to bed.” [a very good one]

To be fair, teens are not the only ones that develop nonsensical habits.  I actually observed an adult ask a Pastor and his family to move prior to worship because that was “their pew.”  Really?  Your pew?  [I do go to a Lutheran church, thanks for asking]  

Ok, back to the “List” topic.  

With so much experience with conforming to a specific set of habits, transforming these teens to get organized using a “List” should be easy.  Not so fast.

A list is restrictive, too organized, prohibitive, confining, and too structured.  We often hear:

“I know what needs to be done.”

“I will do it today.”

“I will do it tomorrow.” [it never comes, trust me]

“I will remember so I don’t need to write it down.”

I am confused.  One of them always has his headlight within arm’s reach but a “List” is too structured?

One of our sons has recently embraced the “List” idea by writing all of his assignments on a calendar.  A true epiphany.  

Hope remains!

Romans 15:13  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

- What is your plan? -

“Secret Plans are the Best!”

Having a clear view or vision of the objective is a success key when starting a project.  If you don’t know where you are going, how do you know when you get there?

If you want a cool place to hang out in the back yard with your adult friends, obviously the objective is a tree house built for adults.  It should include a fridge, HD TV, theater seats and an Adrian Peterson Fathead.  This would be so cool. [sorry, got a little distracted]

Ok.  We have a vision.  Let’s start building.  No wait.  I think I’ve forgotten something.  Let me check with my resident teen wiseman.   

Oh discerning and insightful teen, how do you get your projects done?

“I don’t have a plan but I am going to get it done.”

So you are saying I don’t need a plan to build my tree-borne mancave.  It will just happen?  Is this the way you get your school assignments done?

“No, I mean… I don’t have a plan that I can tell you.”

Oh, I get it.  Shhhh…. it’s a secret.  Secret plans are always the best.  Especially those that are so secret that they don’t actually exist.  Kind of like the plan to get your summer reading done prior to your last first day of school. [busted]

I guess my tree-borne mancave will have to wait until I can figure out how to crack the code on these secret plans.

Thankfully, we have an eternal life plan that is very clear and not a secret at all:

1 Timothy 2:3-6  “This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time.

-What is your plan?-

"What Did He Say?"

Successful plan execution normally requires some form of motivation.  In my work environment, motivation is often implied once there is clear communication of task and purpose.  Recently, we chose to use a less direct, but more effective approach with our teens. 

One overwhelming task for teens is putting their clothes away once they are clean, folded and in the clothes basket.  It really doesn’t seem that hard.  Take the clothes out of the basket, open the drawer, set them down in the drawer.  Task complete. Sounds like a solid plan.  Obviously, the missing component is motivation.

Based on our teen’s response, we hit a home run on the right motivation approach.

“What are these?”  “Oh, gross.”  “I don’t want those touching my clothes.”  “Nobody needs to see those”  [at this point we are laughing so hard our sides hurt]  “It is not funny.”  “Get them out of here so I can finish with my clothes”

My son was in full freak out mode.

The “these”, “those”, and “them” above were a pair of my wife’s “delicates”. Honestly, we fell into this motivation technique by accident.  We did not put them in with his clothes - static cling did.  Since it was so effective, we decided to pile on.

“If you let your clothes linger in the basket for more than a couple of days, you might find more of the same.  Do you want that?”  “NO WAY!”

He needed a little more motivation when the next basket came up because his clothes still lay folded in his basket.  His surprise this time was a pair of my unmentionables.  He was even more offended and he started yelling, “Father [he calls me that when he is getting serious], what have you done?”  “I’m not touching them.”  “Get them out of here.”

I told him I had no idea what he was talking about.  I didn’t place anything in his basket….his mother did.  “What?”  “You are the man of the house.  You need to get your wife under control.”

What did he just say?  Yeah, right.  My relationship with my wife is based on my ability to “control” her.  Not touching that one.  You can only imagine the new set of life lessons he received that night.

Teens are the only form of the human species that can take us from a motivation event to a discussion of control.  Go figure.

Proverbs 21:23  “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue, keeps himself out of trouble.”

- What is your plan? -

“Doritos are better than Cracker Jacks”

A person never plans to lose things.  It just seems to happen.  Sometimes the things you lose show up in the strangest places.

Our youngest teen recently received his learner’s permit (more about that in a future post).  He actually has something in his billfold that requires him to have it with him when he leaves the house, his learner’s permit. He is a kid that never loses anything, but he seems to be forgetting where he left his billfold more and more.  Maybe it is a billfold problem. [see previous blog on that topic]  He normally finds it quickly, in a usual place.  This was NOT the case with a set of his brother’s prescription swim goggles.

We were on vacation at the beach several years ago when our oldest teen’s prescription goggles went missing.  He would not go swimming in the ocean or the pool without his goggles.  He could not see without them.  So it was our number one priority to find them.  We looked everywhere.  

The beach bag.  Nope.  

The towels.  Nope.  

Pockets. Nope.  

The hotel room.  Nope.  

Housekeeping.  Nope.

Security.  Nope.

Lost and Found.  Nope

We searched through everything.  No luck.

One of our favorite snacks at the beach is Cool Ranch Doritos.  We would always take a couple of bags with us.  Later, during this vacation, we were back in our room and our younger teen was hungry so he grabbed the Doritos.

What did we find?  Yep, you got it.  His brother’s goggles.  How is the world did they get in there?  No one thought to look in there!

See, I told you, Doritos are better than Cracker Jacks.  You’ve never pulled prescription swim goggles out of a Cracker Jacks box.

Matthew 7:7  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

- What is your plan? -

“Wake up Sleepy Teen”

This is a post about tactical planning.  Tactical, as defined by Merriam-Webster; “of or relating to small-scale actions serving a larger purpose.”  Precisely.  I planned deliberate, small-scale actions to serve the larger purpose of getting my teens out of bed!  

Let me set the stage.  Teenager is told the night before that he needs to be up at a reasonable time to get work done the next day.  So, there are a couple of problems here [see previous post on problem identification].  First, does a teen really know what “reasonable means”?  9:00 am is reasonable.  12:30 pm is NOT reasonable.  Second, in the teen’s mind, instruction the “night before” has no relevance to the next morning.

The answer: “Operation Nerf Ambush”

First step: Pre-position the Nerf weapons and darts in mom and dad’s room the night before.

Second step: Pre-combat checks-make sure all Nerf magazines are loaded.

Third step: Recon the hallway and remove any obstacles.  We are ready for execution.

At the appointed time, 9:01 am, sneak down the hallway and slide into his doorway.  Take a position with clear visibility of the teen and unleash a full barrage of Nerf darts while singing “Wake Up Sleepy Teen”.  He will wake up.  [sometimes his brother even gets to participate in the ambush]

The teen is a learning creature.  If doesn’t take him long to figure out that mom and dad aren’t kidding about employing “Operation Nerf Ambush”.  He decides to fire back with his Nerf bow and arrow. Time for a new tactical plan.  

The answer: “Operation Bulldozer”

First step: Warn the teen about “Operation Bulldozer”.  Don’t tell him what it is, just that it is coming if he doesn’t get out of bed at a reasonable time.

Second step: Recon the room to ensure floor is clear of clutter. [Right!  It is a teenager’s room.]

Third step: Mentally rehearse your movements.  Timing and speed of your movements are key on this operation.  Ready.

Again, at the appointed time, sneak down the hallway and slide into his room.  In a single swift motion, starting at one corner of the bed, grab the bottom sheet and start to pull.  As you pull, continue to roll everything on the bed, including the teen, into a giant burrito.  Continue rolling until this giant burrito and all its contents are resting on the floor.  He will wake up.  Additionally, he has a firm understanding what “Operation Bulldozer” is all about.

While these operations were executed on our oldest teen, the youngest is not exempt.  He has a very early wake up on school days, 5:30 am.  We usually allow him a little snooze time after the first alarm.  This leeway is quickly becoming a second and then a third call to get out of bed.

I think he better reverse this trend or I might just have another opportunity to plan and execute a “small-scale action”

Proverbs 20:13  “Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare.”

- What is your plan? -