“Simple Problem Solving”

Planning for the future topic continues…

We’ve had several opportunities in the last couple of weeks to sit together as a family and exercise our planning muscles.  Here is a shortened list of topics:

• College Admission
• College Budgeting
• Vocation
• College Transportation
• Summer Volunteering
• Summer Travel
• Graduation Party

For a little bit of context, my professional background is program management.  I am the planning pro.  I’ve used several very logical planning methods.  I have a professional certificate and a master’s degree in this discipline.  All of these credentials have NO applicability to planning with a teenager.  Don’t believe me?

I like to start out with a simple problem solving model [because everything we try to plan with a teenager is a huge life or death problem].

1. Identify the problem or goal
2. Develop alternatives to solve the problem or achieve your goal
3. Analyze the alternatives
4. Select the best alternative
5. Plan action steps for the best alternative
6. Execute the steps
7. Evaluate the results.

Straight forward and simple, right.  Let’s get started.

1. Identify the problem or goal for your future vocation:

Ok, I don’t have a problem, but, well, it’s like, you know, the time when the Nazis invaded Poland and…

Wait.  Wait. Wait.  I thought we were trying to plan your future vocation?

What?  You asked me if I had a problem.

No, I didn’t.  I asked you to define your future work goal.

Oh.  Well, my mind likes to look at the big picture and there are a lot of messed up leaders in the world.  Do you think anybody ever considers the motivations of a dictator?  Did you hear about the mess in North Korea?

What does North Korea have to do with your future work?

Maybe I should consider going to school in Wisconsin.

Stop, stop, stop.  I am lost here.  I need you to give me a list of jobs you might be interested in.

I really should look into scholarships so I don’t have to spend my own college money when I get my degree in International Relations and work for the UN as a Diplomat.

Hey.  Look at that.  We are on step 7.  Good job.  [“Where is the Tylenol?” (Clark Griswold)]

And so goes nearly every simple problem solving activity.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

- What is your plan? -

A “Little, Orange” Support Team

As we approach the end of another school year, attention shifts to things ending and future plans. This is elevated in the conscience of our house since we have a graduating senior.  Oh future plans, how illusive you are.  

“How can I possibly complete my college registration if I don’t know exactly what I am going to be doing for a career 15 years from now?”  

“My mind is so busy trying to figure out complex world problems, I don’t have time to worry about scheduling my placement tests for college.”

I love to marvel the virtuous thinker.

One of the keys to solving the future plans dilemma is to leverage the talents of more seasoned [old] advisors [parents].  Yep, I know what you are thinking.  Taking guidance from  parents is not natural for an independence-seeking senior.  Our senior is not necessarily seeking full independence; remember “Life is a Lot of Stuff”.

When struggling with future plans, the wisdom of parents can yield:

• List making for tasks (especially when you loath lists) [quick quote-”Is that all you do all day, sit around and make lists for everyone else?”]
• Methodical problem solving techniques (pros/cons, facts/assumptions, possible solutions, etc.)
• Lessons learned from previous mistakes (and there are several!)
• Feedback on skills and talents
• Encouragement
• Course correction (more than you would like, maybe)
• THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HAVING A LOVING SUPPORT TEAM!

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you realize that success is only achievable with a dedicated support team.  It is easy to see when this pearl of wisdom has not yet been realized.  

“Everyone else is the Oompa Loompa in my world.”

I guess we are a “little, orange” support team.

Proverbs 3:13-18 “Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.”

- What is Your Plan -

"Burning Other People’s Opportunity Cost"

Part of effective planning includes counting the costs.  This is not only logical, it is biblical.  Jesus tells us in Luke 14:28-30

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?  For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’”

Admittedly this was a parable intended to explain the cost of being a Christ follower, but, if you will allow, I think it also fits with the more general point about counting costs in our planning process. It can also be applied to the less obvious cost consideration, opportunity cost.

Counting the opportunity cost does not only include the spender’s opportunity cost.  It also includes the opportunity cost of others since most of our plans include other people.  They also have an opportunity cost in this equation; specifically an opportunity cost in terms of time.

Sorry.  That was a lot of context to set up my point.  

Have you ever considered the amount of other people’s opportunity cost (OPOC) you burn through the execution of  your plans?  Maybe you’ve had your opportunity cost burned within someone else's plan.  I know some “talented planners” (TP) who can burn tons of OPOC.  

TP - “Will you help me with my assignment?”

Me - “Sure, when do you want to start?”

TP - “In a minute.  Let me close out of this other work first.”

Me - “Ok.  I won’t start my taxes right now so I can help you.”

-25 minutes later -

Me - “Thought you needed help with your assignment?”

TP - “Oh...Yeah.  Let me close out of this other work first”

Me - “Breakfast will be ready in 15 minutes.”

TP - “I will be right down.”

- 30 minutes later, with reheated food -

TP - “I have to go to the bathroom first”

Me - “We need to run to the store, do you want to come with?”

TP - “Sure, let me finish this game first.”

- 20 minutes later -

Me - “I going to wait in the car.”

Smell that?  It’s burning OPOC.

- What is Your Plan? -

"The Lexicon Kerfuffle"

One very important step in any planning activity is communicating your plan to others, sometimes a superior.  Yes, we should be communicating with our superiors [any type of authority] and word/phrase choice is very important in this communication event.  

As many of you already know, my home is a petri dish of “wisdom”, especially concerning word/phrase use.  It struck me the other day that many of the phrases heard around my house would be completely inappropriate in a professional setting, especially in a dialogue with your boss.  

Imagine this...Your boss asks you to bring the current status report to her office and give her a quick update.  Your response should not be “If it’s that important to you, you’ll get up and get it.”

or

“Some of the things you are doing just don’t make sense.” [Before you ask, the answer is yes.  These are direct quotes from conversations with my “wisdom” guardians.]

Here are a few more; all are equally impressive and completely inappropriate in the office.  [or at home with parents]

“Speak freak.”

“Sit boy sit.”

“Please leave a message after the tone. BEEP.”

“I am hi-larious.”

“Blah, Blah, Blah.”

“REALLY???”

“You have been my father (supervisor) long enough.  You should know what I mean.”

and a classic...

“Yes, your majesty”

So let me unpack the title for you.  Lexicon - a person’s vocabulary.  Kerfuffle - a disorderly outburst, disturbance, or commotion.  My “wisdom” guardians literally have “a disturbing vocabulary.”  I am not sure where they get it from.  Maybe the nuts don’t fall far from the trees.

Proverbs 16:24: “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

- What is Your Plan? -

Service: A One Way Street?

We all enjoy those occasions when someone does a little extra for us.  I appreciate it when my wife brings me a glass of water from the kitchen just because she was getting one for herself and she knew I would like one too.

Most of us even look for opportunities to bless others with random acts of kindness.  If I am making popcorn for movie night, I will make enough for the rest of family without any of them having to ask.

We also know a few “characters” in our lives who don’t fit either of these models.  They don’t look for opportunities to serve others, and they try to manipulate the situation to compel others to serve them.  Service to a “character” is a One Way Street.  “Characters” often employ an indirect approach to get what they want.

“What are you making for breakfast? … Ok, I guess that will work for me too.”

“What are you making yourself for lunch?... That sounds good.  I will have some of that too.”

“Would you like some yogurt? … Bring me one too since you’re getting yourself one.”

“No I don’t want that but, you can bring me some water since you are already by the fridge.”

These sound a lot like the Jeff Foxworthy line “Sensuous was up, get me a….”

We are slowly working on a cure for our “character”.  Consider this antidote.

“What are you making yourself for lunch?”

“I am making soup.  What are you making for yourself?”

“Oh, that’s not the answer I was looking for.”

“I guess you should have asked a better question.”

Do you recognize a “character” in your life?  I don’t believe these “characters” are intentionally rude or inconsiderate.  They may simply lack the proper planning tools to consider service to others as part of their walk through life.

Mark 10:45:  “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

• What is Your Plan? -

Post Script: Experienced another behavior modification following my "characters'" review of this blog prior to posting. Service is turning into a two way street.

The Alarm Clock Paradox

I will start with an apology to my three readers… I am sorry for the absence.  I had shoulder surgery in October and lost my writing rhythm.  Rest assured, I am back and I plan to continue the blog as long as you three remain entertained.  Onto the Alarm Clock Paradox.

I would like to back a bold statement… The worst time of the day for decision making is during the moments immediately following the rude blast of the alarm clock.  Sure, you are the one who has to go to work or school and you were the one that selected the wake up time, but that doesn’t mean you are going to make a good decision the second you hear the sleep shattering BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

A typical morning in our house:

The alarm is set for 5:30 am.  [This is totally reasonable since the family member has to leave the house at 11:30 am for an appointment. What??? Might be a different kind of planning problem, but I digress]

The alarm starts its progressive crescendo for BEEPS at 5:30.  The first moment of bad decision making is to do nothing and let the BEEPS continue their upward spiral.  After what seems like 35 minutes, those BEEPS stop with the tap of the snooze button.

But wait, there is a second alarm horn wailing in the same room.  If one poorly set alarm is good, then two is better and doubles the opportunity to make bad decisions.  This second alarm is somehow silenced.  Apparently, this second alarm is a complete surprise to this family member.  

After 9 minutes, as you would guess, the cycle repeats prompting another round of bad decisions.  This time, the magnitude of the bad decision increases.  The alarms are turned off completely, and the comfort of the warm bed beckons.  The warm bed seeker is completely unaware that the entire household is awake and is looking to seek revenge for their interrupted slumber.

With no alarms to interrupt the peaceful rest, our slumberjack doesn’t wake up until 11:05 am with a loud “Oh, crap!”  He’s not sure if he is going to make it out the door on time and there are no sympathetic family members who are willing to assist.  Oh, and did I mention it is a Saturday!

At some time or another, I think we’ve all made bad decisions immediately following the alarm's first clang.  My strong recommendation is never ever put yourself in a position to negotiate with your alarm clock.  It will almost always deceive you, over and over again.

Proverbs 26:11 “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.”

-- What is Your Plan?--

My “Perfect” Plan

Have you ever had a plan so tightly wrapped that you felt like success was a foregone conclusion?  I mean you knew, with 100% certainty, that everything would execute exactly according to the plan.  There were no holes in the plan and no room for deviations.  A perfect plan… the ever-illusive utopia.

Several years ago, my wife and I were set to embark on another military move.  We were moving from Fort Rucker, AL, and heading to Monterey, CA, for graduate school.  [I know, tough duty]

Our “perfect” plan:

Movers head out with all of our worldly possessions on a Thursday.  We were to expect delivery no earlier than 12 days later.  No need for storage.  We were doing a door-to-door move.  Everyone said a door-to-door move was a myth; it’s impossible.  We’ll show them.  Our plan is fool-proof.

We leave Fort Rucker on Friday and head to Atlanta to send the boys back to Minnesota.  They were staying with grandparents so they wouldn’t have to make the long drive.  Hurray for grandparents!

We leave Atlanta on Monday after Mary flew back from Minneapolis, complete with dropping off the boys.  Off we go on our relaxing 2,400 mile drive to Monterey.  The “perfect” plan included driving an average of 550 for 4 days and then an easy 200 miles the last day.

Once we got to Monterey on Friday, after our easy 200 miles, we would drop the dog off at the kennel and check into the Guest House.  Making the trip with the dog in the car would add some complexity but we could handle it.  We had a “perfect” plan for that too.

We would sign for our military housing on Friday and explore the city over the weekend.  Monday would come and we would be completely ready for the delivery team; ready with donuts, pizza and a few Cokes.

Oh how I love a “perfect” plan!

What really happened:  Everything was going great right up until day 3 (Thursday) of our drive.

While at a rest stop in Arizona, we get a call from the military transportation office.  The movers, apparently, are supermen and managed to be 3 days ahead of schedule.  What moving company has ever done that!  

They were going to deliver our household goods on Friday morning, not the next Monday, like we had planned.  Ok.  Only a slight change to the plan…  Then the next bit of good news.  If we were not at our house ready for the delivery at 9:00 am, they would put our stuff in storage for 30 days.

Noooooo…. don’t you understand, we are doing a door-to-door.  We have a perfect plan.  This is not happening.

Ok.  Wait.  We can do this.  

We will skip our last overnight stop and drive straight to Monterey.  We can do the remaining 800 miles in a day.  

We don’t have a place to stay!  We will call for new hotel reservations.  The Dog!  The hotel needs to take pets.  [Not an easy  find]  We have a reservation at a hotel on the beach.  Too bad we can’t enjoy it.  [another side note..we got lost getting to the hotel.  No GPS.]

Guess we can cancel the kennel reservation. [as a side note:  Arizona and southern California rest areas don’t have any grass.  The dog won’t relieve himself unless he has grass.  We found out that he has a very large bladder capacity.]

The housing office!  They don’t open until 9:00 am!  I called them and told them our dilemma.  They agreed to meet me so I could sign for the keys early Friday morning, while my better-half waits for the truck.

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR PERFECT AND RELAXING PLAN?  Gone.

Everything turned out ok in the end, as it almost always does, despite our melodramatic panic.  We even completed the elusive door-to-door move.

The worst part of the entire change episode was totally self-induced.  Yours truly decided it would be a good idea, and quicker, to take the scenic route (HWY 1) up the California coast to cover our last 100 miles.  The last 100 miles of a 800 mile day.  It was not quicker and not very scenic with the sun on the horizon and in your eyes for 100 miles.  Not to mention it made my better-half sick. [Never a good thing.]

When will we learn to stop chasing the “Perfect” plan.

Romans 8:28  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

- What is your plan? -

“Interpreting Teens”

Ever find yourself in a position where you are left completely speechless by a verbal response from a teenager?  I am not talking about a vulgar or obscene response.  I mean a response that left you wondering, “what in the world did they just say?”  

I have been.  Several times.  So many times that I thought I would provide a list of my “interpretation” of the head-scratching teen responses.

“I Know”:  1 You don’t have to say that again.  2 You are right, but I don’t need you to point that out.  [One of my favorites.  I wrote a whole blog about it.]

“My Bad”:  1 I intentionally made that mistake but I will appease you by pretending to take responsibility for my lapse in judgement.  2 I’m sorry, but… not really.

“FAther”:  1 I am showing respect, in a sarcastic sort of way.  2  You seriously embarrass me.

“Blah, Blah, Blah”:  1 I’m done listening.  2 You should stop talking.

“Seriously”:  1 You are an idiot.  2 Act your age.  [Heard when a parent completely irks the teen by actions.  Can sometimes be combined with “FAther”. ]

“Really”:  1 Was I supposed to know that was wrong?  2 I’ve heard you say that before, I think.

“Any Hoo”:  1 I’m an idiot.  2 I’m going to change the topic.  [Another favorite that always seems to be offered at the precise moment the parent is presenting a critical teaching point.]

“I don’t know”:  1 I really do know the answer, but you’re not going to like it.  2 I have a lack of judgement. [This interpretation follow a “why did you do that?” type of question.]

Sometimes good communication with teens starts with a clear interpretation of what they are REALLY saying.  In full disclosure, most of these expressions were collected from teenagers including, but not limited to, my own teens.  

If you have others, I would love to hear them.

Ephesians 4:29  “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

- What is your plan -

“Creatures of Habit...or Not.”

I tend to be most effective if I have a “to do” List (aka action steps in a plan).  In fact, I am often completely ineffective and get nothing done if I don’t have a detailed “List”.  A “List” works for me.  Just ask my wife.  She always has a “List” ready for me.  [I may pay for that one.]

So it only stands to reason that my sons should adopt the same technique.  My keen observation of them proves that they have the capacity to embrace the concept of a “List”.  They are extreme creatures of habit:

“I can not leave for the bus before 6:10.”

“That is my seat.”

“Egg bake is for Easter and Turkey is for Thanksgiving.  We can’t eat them on any other days.”

“I always scrub my hands for 5 minutes with the scalding hot water running.”

“First the news, then I will get ready for school.”

“I always take two bottles of Gatorade to practice.”

“I have to do my devotion prior to going to bed.” [a very good one]

To be fair, teens are not the only ones that develop nonsensical habits.  I actually observed an adult ask a Pastor and his family to move prior to worship because that was “their pew.”  Really?  Your pew?  [I do go to a Lutheran church, thanks for asking]  

Ok, back to the “List” topic.  

With so much experience with conforming to a specific set of habits, transforming these teens to get organized using a “List” should be easy.  Not so fast.

A list is restrictive, too organized, prohibitive, confining, and too structured.  We often hear:

“I know what needs to be done.”

“I will do it today.”

“I will do it tomorrow.” [it never comes, trust me]

“I will remember so I don’t need to write it down.”

I am confused.  One of them always has his headlight within arm’s reach but a “List” is too structured?

One of our sons has recently embraced the “List” idea by writing all of his assignments on a calendar.  A true epiphany.  

Hope remains!

Romans 15:13  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

- What is your plan? -

“Secret Plans are the Best!”

Having a clear view or vision of the objective is a success key when starting a project.  If you don’t know where you are going, how do you know when you get there?

If you want a cool place to hang out in the back yard with your adult friends, obviously the objective is a tree house built for adults.  It should include a fridge, HD TV, theater seats and an Adrian Peterson Fathead.  This would be so cool. [sorry, got a little distracted]

Ok.  We have a vision.  Let’s start building.  No wait.  I think I’ve forgotten something.  Let me check with my resident teen wiseman.   

Oh discerning and insightful teen, how do you get your projects done?

“I don’t have a plan but I am going to get it done.”

So you are saying I don’t need a plan to build my tree-borne mancave.  It will just happen?  Is this the way you get your school assignments done?

“No, I mean… I don’t have a plan that I can tell you.”

Oh, I get it.  Shhhh…. it’s a secret.  Secret plans are always the best.  Especially those that are so secret that they don’t actually exist.  Kind of like the plan to get your summer reading done prior to your last first day of school. [busted]

I guess my tree-borne mancave will have to wait until I can figure out how to crack the code on these secret plans.

Thankfully, we have an eternal life plan that is very clear and not a secret at all:

1 Timothy 2:3-6  “This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time.

-What is your plan?-