The Alarm Clock Paradox

I will start with an apology to my three readers… I am sorry for the absence.  I had shoulder surgery in October and lost my writing rhythm.  Rest assured, I am back and I plan to continue the blog as long as you three remain entertained.  Onto the Alarm Clock Paradox.

I would like to back a bold statement… The worst time of the day for decision making is during the moments immediately following the rude blast of the alarm clock.  Sure, you are the one who has to go to work or school and you were the one that selected the wake up time, but that doesn’t mean you are going to make a good decision the second you hear the sleep shattering BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

A typical morning in our house:

The alarm is set for 5:30 am.  [This is totally reasonable since the family member has to leave the house at 11:30 am for an appointment. What??? Might be a different kind of planning problem, but I digress]

The alarm starts its progressive crescendo for BEEPS at 5:30.  The first moment of bad decision making is to do nothing and let the BEEPS continue their upward spiral.  After what seems like 35 minutes, those BEEPS stop with the tap of the snooze button.

But wait, there is a second alarm horn wailing in the same room.  If one poorly set alarm is good, then two is better and doubles the opportunity to make bad decisions.  This second alarm is somehow silenced.  Apparently, this second alarm is a complete surprise to this family member.  

After 9 minutes, as you would guess, the cycle repeats prompting another round of bad decisions.  This time, the magnitude of the bad decision increases.  The alarms are turned off completely, and the comfort of the warm bed beckons.  The warm bed seeker is completely unaware that the entire household is awake and is looking to seek revenge for their interrupted slumber.

With no alarms to interrupt the peaceful rest, our slumberjack doesn’t wake up until 11:05 am with a loud “Oh, crap!”  He’s not sure if he is going to make it out the door on time and there are no sympathetic family members who are willing to assist.  Oh, and did I mention it is a Saturday!

At some time or another, I think we’ve all made bad decisions immediately following the alarm's first clang.  My strong recommendation is never ever put yourself in a position to negotiate with your alarm clock.  It will almost always deceive you, over and over again.

Proverbs 26:11 “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.”

-- What is Your Plan?--

My “Perfect” Plan

Have you ever had a plan so tightly wrapped that you felt like success was a foregone conclusion?  I mean you knew, with 100% certainty, that everything would execute exactly according to the plan.  There were no holes in the plan and no room for deviations.  A perfect plan… the ever-illusive utopia.

Several years ago, my wife and I were set to embark on another military move.  We were moving from Fort Rucker, AL, and heading to Monterey, CA, for graduate school.  [I know, tough duty]

Our “perfect” plan:

Movers head out with all of our worldly possessions on a Thursday.  We were to expect delivery no earlier than 12 days later.  No need for storage.  We were doing a door-to-door move.  Everyone said a door-to-door move was a myth; it’s impossible.  We’ll show them.  Our plan is fool-proof.

We leave Fort Rucker on Friday and head to Atlanta to send the boys back to Minnesota.  They were staying with grandparents so they wouldn’t have to make the long drive.  Hurray for grandparents!

We leave Atlanta on Monday after Mary flew back from Minneapolis, complete with dropping off the boys.  Off we go on our relaxing 2,400 mile drive to Monterey.  The “perfect” plan included driving an average of 550 for 4 days and then an easy 200 miles the last day.

Once we got to Monterey on Friday, after our easy 200 miles, we would drop the dog off at the kennel and check into the Guest House.  Making the trip with the dog in the car would add some complexity but we could handle it.  We had a “perfect” plan for that too.

We would sign for our military housing on Friday and explore the city over the weekend.  Monday would come and we would be completely ready for the delivery team; ready with donuts, pizza and a few Cokes.

Oh how I love a “perfect” plan!

What really happened:  Everything was going great right up until day 3 (Thursday) of our drive.

While at a rest stop in Arizona, we get a call from the military transportation office.  The movers, apparently, are supermen and managed to be 3 days ahead of schedule.  What moving company has ever done that!  

They were going to deliver our household goods on Friday morning, not the next Monday, like we had planned.  Ok.  Only a slight change to the plan…  Then the next bit of good news.  If we were not at our house ready for the delivery at 9:00 am, they would put our stuff in storage for 30 days.

Noooooo…. don’t you understand, we are doing a door-to-door.  We have a perfect plan.  This is not happening.

Ok.  Wait.  We can do this.  

We will skip our last overnight stop and drive straight to Monterey.  We can do the remaining 800 miles in a day.  

We don’t have a place to stay!  We will call for new hotel reservations.  The Dog!  The hotel needs to take pets.  [Not an easy  find]  We have a reservation at a hotel on the beach.  Too bad we can’t enjoy it.  [another side note..we got lost getting to the hotel.  No GPS.]

Guess we can cancel the kennel reservation. [as a side note:  Arizona and southern California rest areas don’t have any grass.  The dog won’t relieve himself unless he has grass.  We found out that he has a very large bladder capacity.]

The housing office!  They don’t open until 9:00 am!  I called them and told them our dilemma.  They agreed to meet me so I could sign for the keys early Friday morning, while my better-half waits for the truck.

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR PERFECT AND RELAXING PLAN?  Gone.

Everything turned out ok in the end, as it almost always does, despite our melodramatic panic.  We even completed the elusive door-to-door move.

The worst part of the entire change episode was totally self-induced.  Yours truly decided it would be a good idea, and quicker, to take the scenic route (HWY 1) up the California coast to cover our last 100 miles.  The last 100 miles of a 800 mile day.  It was not quicker and not very scenic with the sun on the horizon and in your eyes for 100 miles.  Not to mention it made my better-half sick. [Never a good thing.]

When will we learn to stop chasing the “Perfect” plan.

Romans 8:28  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

- What is your plan? -

“Interpreting Teens”

Ever find yourself in a position where you are left completely speechless by a verbal response from a teenager?  I am not talking about a vulgar or obscene response.  I mean a response that left you wondering, “what in the world did they just say?”  

I have been.  Several times.  So many times that I thought I would provide a list of my “interpretation” of the head-scratching teen responses.

“I Know”:  1 You don’t have to say that again.  2 You are right, but I don’t need you to point that out.  [One of my favorites.  I wrote a whole blog about it.]

“My Bad”:  1 I intentionally made that mistake but I will appease you by pretending to take responsibility for my lapse in judgement.  2 I’m sorry, but… not really.

“FAther”:  1 I am showing respect, in a sarcastic sort of way.  2  You seriously embarrass me.

“Blah, Blah, Blah”:  1 I’m done listening.  2 You should stop talking.

“Seriously”:  1 You are an idiot.  2 Act your age.  [Heard when a parent completely irks the teen by actions.  Can sometimes be combined with “FAther”. ]

“Really”:  1 Was I supposed to know that was wrong?  2 I’ve heard you say that before, I think.

“Any Hoo”:  1 I’m an idiot.  2 I’m going to change the topic.  [Another favorite that always seems to be offered at the precise moment the parent is presenting a critical teaching point.]

“I don’t know”:  1 I really do know the answer, but you’re not going to like it.  2 I have a lack of judgement. [This interpretation follow a “why did you do that?” type of question.]

Sometimes good communication with teens starts with a clear interpretation of what they are REALLY saying.  In full disclosure, most of these expressions were collected from teenagers including, but not limited to, my own teens.  

If you have others, I would love to hear them.

Ephesians 4:29  “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

- What is your plan -