“Parenting Instructions”

Ever wonder where parenting instructions come from?  I have.  And sometimes you find them in the strangest places.  We can all name some of the more obvious places; Parents, Grandparents, Family Members, Friends, Pastors, Cartoons, Blog Posters, Google, etc.  

Ok, maybe some of these are not so obvious or conventional.  I have to imagine that several of you parents out there have Googled “How do you punish a biter?”

Did you notice how Cartoons was listed immediately after Pastors?  Interesting.

When our oldest was four, he decided to throw a large tantrum in a very public area of a medical facility.  He lost the privilege of riding the escalator and that set him off even more.  We walked a short distance away and let him have his fit.  Tantrums from young children are not a new thing, but the parenting instruction or confirmation of our technique came from an unexpected place.  A random stranger said “Good for you for not giving in”.  What a great affirmation from a completely unexpected source.

Want another unexpected source?  How about your very own teenager?  Yep.  It really does make sense.  He is at the peak of wisdom and he is the one on the receiving end of “parenting”.  Why not listen to his parenting advice?  A couple of years ago (he is now 17), he decided to share his parenting instruction with us.

His words:

“I’m going to run a tighter ship than you do.”  [moments earlier he was not happy that we were being strict]

“I will loosen up when need be.”  [aka... so I can do what I want]

“You can spread the loosening and tightening around.”  [yep, waffling is always the best policy]

Pure gold enlightenment.  Run a tight ship, loosen up when needed, spread it around.  Got it.

As I prepared for writing today, I forwarded some notes from our iPad.  This was the actual texting conversation between my wife and me.

 

“I got parenting info from the iPad.”  

“Awesome!  If it were only that easy to parent.  Got

it from the iPad.”

Wait a minute.  Can you actually get parenting instructions from an iPad?  Is there really “an app for that”?  Yes there is.  778 apps to be more precise.  Check it out.  Search “parenting” in your apps store.

Not sure what that means about our society but it does confirm my hunch about odd places for parenting instructions.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

- What is your plan? -

“It doesn't need to make sense to you.”

One of the hardest things for a parent to do is allow their teenager to make a mistake.  We want to protect them.  We don’t want them to make the same mistakes we made.  (Actually, we expect them to be learning at a much faster rate than they are demonstrating, and thus, not making repeated mistakes.)  I am not talking about big, life-threatening mistakes.  I mean the relatively small mistakes associated with everyday activities.

The train wreck is coming; it is as clear as Aruban waters.  There is no way to make him see the eventual outcome.  He continues to march down the same path…

“I told you your mother is always right.  Why are you arguing with her?”

“Because I know she is wrong and I must correct her.”  [Choo, Choo]

“You need to finish your laundry and do your journal.”

“Ok.  I am going to work on my foreign language.”  [Bright Light, Bright Light]

“Maybe you should work ahead on school work since you have time right now.”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

“Are you going to go and do the work now?”

“Nah. I’ll do it later.”  [Clack, Clack, Clack]

“Why are you carrying one little bottle at a time to the table?”

“It takes more energy for me to carry more than one at a time.”

“But you have a bag with you.  Why not put them in your bag and make one trip instead of 4?”

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

“It doesn't need to make sense to you.  It just needs to make sense to me.”

And there it is.  No truer words were ever said from a full-of-wisdom teenager.  So many of their choices only need to make sense to them.  What we see as mistakes, they see as independence, assuming responsibility, decision making, and problem solving.  It really doesn’t matter to them that the outcome will be a front row seat on the cattle guard of a large locomotive.  To them, making a mistake is not a negative.  They only want to have that brief moment of control.

We should let them make more mistakes.  And remember, “It doesn't need to make sense to you.”

Proverbs 12:15  “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.”

- What is your plan? -

“I Know”

My all time favorite response from my teenagers is “I Know”.  It’s multi-purpose and conveys a complete thought.  It indicates wisdom as the synonyms for “know” are grasp, understand, and comprehend.  Merriam-Webster tells us it literally means “to have knowledge”.  We all know that teenagers have all the knowledge they need.  This is why “I Know” is not only my favorite response, it is also the most frequent.

“You have Spanish homework due tomorrow.”

“I Know.”

“If you know, why don’t you do it now.”

“I Know!”

“The Spanish homework is not going to complete itself.”

“I Know!!”

“If you know, why am I having to tell you?”

(BIG EYE ROLL)

[another favorite]

Sounds like a complete grasp of the situation to me.

“We have to be out the door by 12:15 tomorrow.  You have an appointment.”  

“I Know.”

“You said “I Know” the last time and you were 20 minutes late.”

“I Know!”

“If you know, then what is your plan to make sure you are on time?”

“ahh”

“You need a plan to get up on time.”

“I know.”

[He was only 12 minutes late this time]

“Your appointment was moved from today to next week.”

“I know.”

“How could you possible have known?  I just received the email.”

“ahh”

[gotcha]

He clearly has a complete comprehension of all knowledge.

We have an abundance of “knowing” in our house.  Anybody need a little?

Proverbs 2:10 “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.”

- What is your plan? -